charles durning

charles durning, burt reynolds, hal holbrook, audie murphy, tootsie, charles durney

What if they gave an awards show and nobody cared?

Well, some of us tried to care on Sunday night as the Screen Actors Guild Awards, which were broadcast by TNT and TBS on Sunday, attempted the Herculean job of bringing a smidge of glitz to this otherwise lackluster awards season.

“The what awards?” you may be wondering. Here’s the deal: The SAGs are the awards that the 120,000 members of the Screen Actors Guild hand out to each other every year. And when the writers' strike, which began three months ago, threw a wrench into Hollywood’s award-giving machinery, the SAGs – normally an afterthought in the buildup to the Oscars – found themselves in the spotlight.

Jolie The question was, would the awards show, which handed out wins to TV shows like “The Sopranos” and films like “No Country for Old Men” on Sunday, recall an inexperienced ingénue taking on a leading-lady role too soon?

Perhaps. Though it was only two hours long, the SAG ceremony was a bit of a snooze. It cemented its reputation as a Hollywood love-fest that’s really only endurable by the hardiest of awards-show fanatics, those who have the patience for rambling speeches by old coots and winners who take seemingly endless walks from the back of a cavernous banquet hall.

I honestly thought that the venerable Ruby Dee, who won for her work in “American Gangster,” might never actually reach the podium. And it seemed to take forever for the entire “Sopranos” cast to get assembled on stage.

The show featured the usual bland banter between presenters, and had several few pacing problems (It’s swell that Mickey Rooney has had a SAG card for 74 years. But please, next year don’t give him a microphone).

Still, the SAG ceremony gave us a chance to see actors act self-deprecating and charming and tell us they really owed everything to their fellow cast members, yada yada yada. Of course, those of us who were inclined to do so could turn down the sound, look at the ladies’ dresses and decide if they were fashion do’s or don’ts.

Pompeo Angelina Jolie, why did you wear a brown bath towel to an awards show? But thank you, Ellen Pompeo, for looking smashing in silver.

For awards prognosticators, it solidified “No Country for Old Men” as the Academy Award’s leading contender for best picture.

Otherwise, as for the awards themselves, nobody much cares about the SAGs, so there wasn’t much drama about who won what. “The Sopranos” won big – the cast won an ensemble award and stars James Gandolfini and Edie Falco received individual honors. But it’s hard to get that excited about a show that’s already been honored to death and which has also been off the air since early last summer.

“The Office” won a best-comedy award for its cast, but that NBC comedy has won so many statues it the past that adding another one to the pile hardly seems worth getting worked up over. But at least the comedy stars knew how to make you grin, even when they were delivering slightly stale lines.

“Welcome to the most exciting evening in the history of the world,” deadpanned “The Office’s” Steve Carell at the start of the broadcast. If only.

Tina Fey, the creator and star of "30 Rock," was typically witty and gracious in her acceptance speech for best comedy actress.

“I want to thank anyone in SAG for considering me an actor at all,” said Fey, who came to prominence as the head writer and Weekend Update anchor on “Saturday Night Live.”

She compared her scenes with fellow SAG winner (and ceremony no-show) Alec Baldwin to a dance routine between Fred Astaire and a hat rack.

“You’ve given an award to the hat rack and I thank you,” said Fey, a veteran of Chicago’s Second City improv troupe. She added, “I want to thank everyone in SAG for being so supportive of the Writers Guild of America.”

The WGA strike was the thing that lent the evening an element of weirdness; the actors were accepting awards for TV shows that have all been shut down due to the strike. SAG’s own contract runs out in June, at which point filmmaking would stop as well. SAG president Alan Rosenberg made a special point during the ceremony of underlining the acting guild’s “treasured solidarity” with the writers guild.

One positive thing about the SAGs is that it freed actors from having to sit through the awarding of statues to cinematographers and directors and writers, who are all well and good for getting a movie or TV show actually made, but let’s face it, actors want to be the ones on stage.

But how long before they’re back before the cameras? That was the question hovering over the proceedings. Charles Durning, who was given a lifetime achievement award, said he’d often considered leaving the entertainment business.

“Yeah, and then what?” he said his wife would shoot back.

Without writers and actors – then what? Maybe no Oscars, maybe no more new TV or quality films for a long time, that’s what.

Random notes from the SAG broadcast:

Biggest product placement: Why am I not surprised that the actors’ recollections that started the show also prominently featured the champagne bottles of the event’s sponsor? Yeesh.

Biggest no-shows: Alec Baldwin, Kevin Kline, Queen Latifah all won awards but didn't turn up.

Most funny-weird moment: Mickey Rooney announcing that “Miss Latifah” couldn’t make it.

Longest old-guy moment: Mickey Rooney’s rambling introduction of the best actress in a miniseries or movie category. Time seemed to stand still. And not in a good way.

Longest old-guy tribute: Nobody doubts that Charles Durning is deserving of a truckload of acting tributes. But the 15-minute tribute to him right in the middle of the broadcast felt like it took three hours.

“Where are they now?” moment: Jeanne Tripplehorn presented one of the awards. Remember that brief moment in the ’90s when she seemed to be in every other movie?

Best acting on the red carpet: Teri Hatcher told an E! reporter the following: “I don’t believe in dieting. I don’t get all the Botox and the fillers and the stuff because I sort of feel like we should embrace getting older and I kind of want to be real about that and sort of represent that.” Sure! That seems to be the route that the entire “Desperate Housewives” cast is taking. So admirable, really.

Most moving tribute: Daniel Day-Lewis’ halting but beautiful tribute to Heath Ledger, to whom Day-Lewis dedicated his award for his work for “There Will Be Blood.”

Most fabulous-looking woman award: Dang it if Julie Christie didn’t look swell accepting her award for “Away From Her.”

Most fabulous-looking man award: Jon Hamm, star of "Mad Men," was simply born to wear an elegant tux.

Most strangely enjoyable part of the evening: Seeing all the bored shots of actors in the audience. They clearly didn’t know the camera was on them as they clapped politely or watched the goings-on with blank expressions. It seems as though the SAG sponsor's champagne was not flowing as freely as it could have been.

Most truthful statement on the red carpet: Kyra Sedgwick was asked if her kids were “over” awards shows. They sure were, she said. “I don’t think anyone’s watching tonight,” she said. At least I think she was referring to her kids. Or was she referring to all of America?